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Top Ten Videogame Bad-Asses

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Great characters make good games even better, and while we might not exactly want to be friends with a cigar-chomping mofo in real life, stepping into his boots and stomping on evil alien scumbags is a great escape from the mundane.  Whether it's his grizzle, his mirth, or his brutality video game bad-asses are some of my personal favorites of champions in gaming.  The following are, in my opinion, some of the worst guys you could hope to bump into in a dark alley.

 

#10 Marcus Fenix - Gears of War (Xbox360)

 Marcus Fenix Gears of War

A grizzled military deserter that is by all rights probably a household name amongst most gamers.  Do I really need to elaborate?  Marcus is gritty, his world is shot to shit, and it seems like most days all he has to look forward to is jamming a chainsaw in some Locust mutant and letting her rip.  I think maybe they went a bit to far though, in trying to portray him as a bad-ass, and it's that "sort-of a poser" factor that keeps him from placing a little higher on the list.  Bonus points for being voiced by the same guy as Bender from Futurama, though.

 

 #9 Ashley Riot - Vagrant Story (Playstation)

Ashley Riot Vagrant Story

It's funny that whenever people talk about fantasy match-ups of Final Fantasy characters, Ashley never gets a mention.  While it's true he isn't in a named "Final Fantasy" game, his adventures do take place in the fictional world of Ivalice and are, therefore, in some way canon with the ever-changing Final Fantasy world.  When you get down to it Ashley is a party of one.  The reason why Vagrant Story wasn't a "traditional" RPG in the sense that you had party members and such is because Ashley was powerful enough to do all that by himself.  He is, all at once, Fighter, Black Mage, Thief, and White Mage rolled into one...happily hewing his way through soldier or giant dragon alike.  It's my opinion that he could probably beat the crap out of any other Final Fantasy character, ever...if not most other RPG denizens in general.  To talk about his personal merits for bad-assery would unfortunately spoil some of the more interesting plot-points of a great cult hit, so I'll leave that up to you to discover.

 

 #8  Grave - Gungrave/Gungrave Overdose (PS2)

Grave

Grave is a zombie-gunman-scientist who stopped being dead mostly through force of will to avenge his own death and stop a cabal of semi-demonic drugdealers, wielding his own coffin as a weapon.  If you don't understand why he's on this list I want you to read that last sentence to yourself over and over until you do.   Also he hangs out with a guy named Rocketbilly Redcadillac who kills bad guys with a giant guitar that shoots lightning.  Seriously.

 

 #7  Gene - Godhand (PS2)

Gene - God Hand

It takes a bad-ass to save a town from a poisonous chihuaha, or a duo of flamingly gay flamingo dancers from hell.  In a rockabilly western world turned batshit insane Gene gets by kicking bad guys in the balls and suplexing giant gorillas.  While his personality may come off as a little naive at times, it's his ridiculous eagerness to punch evil in the dick and spit a few one-liners that earn him his title as one of the ten best bad-asses in gaming.  I'm not kidding about all the groin shots, either.  Also Godhand has probably the best ending/credits music of any game, ever.

 

#6 Zero - Megaman X Series/Zero Series (SNES, PS2, GBA)

Zero

In my opinion Zero's case is one of maybe a handful of times a villain in a video game turns into a "good guy" and it isn't completely stupid or forced.  Zero never changes his temperment, only turning his blade against a different kind of reploid.  He isn't missing some special artifact that made him powerful as an enemy and now he sucks when he's on your side.  He isn't hunting down the bad guys because it's the right thing to do, either.  With Zero it's all about revenge, or (for example in Zero 2 on GBA) because wandering around NOT fighting just gets boring for him.  His later story lines in his offshoot series on the Gameboy Advance are particularly well done, if not bleak and somewhat damning.  He gets major points for doing all that he does for the forces of good and ultimately reaching the end that he does in Zero 4.  I'd hate to spoil the conclusion when it hits so brutally after playing the series through to its end, so just trust me when I say that for a guy who pushes himself to the breaking point for good his "reward" is pretty crushing.

 

  #5 "The Wanderer" - Shadow of the Colussus (PS2)

The Wanderer

A lot could be said about a guy who never said anything at all.  It isn't any single action that gets the unnamed protagonist of SotC this honor, but his quest in general.  While I could talk at length about my opinions on the character, it's just plain simple fact that any man willing to take on towering, earth-rending titans while armed with nothing but a sword, some arrows, and a trusty horse all of in the name of love has got balls of steel.  Really I could talk about this guy for hours but for the sake of time I'll leave it at that.  He, like Zero, faces one of the most grim conclusions in gaming.

 

#4 Kratos - God Of War (PS2)

Kratos

If it takes balls of steel to tackle earthly titans, Kratos must have an extra set of nature's rage-reserves tucked inside his anatomy somewhere.  The man takes on gods, and often comes out the victor.  He never backs down and he never acknowledges his position as a "mere mortal" in a world full of mythic bad-asses tasked with taking him out.  No matter how many times he may get screwed in his quest for vengeance he never quits and he certainly isn't afraid of a little thing like divinity as he cuts a bloody swathe through Greek legend.  Also, no matter how many minotaurs or hydra-beasts there are out there in need of slaying Kratos always seems to find time for the ladies.

 

#3 Travis Touchdown - No More Heroes (Wii)

Travis Touchdown

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.  A guy in a Wii game, making a list of bad-asses?  No, Travis definitely earns his honors, if not just for having a bad-ass name.  One day, after winning a beam-katana off ebay Travis decides that he's tired of living the life of a loser otaku and figures the best way to score with girls is by becoming the number one ranked assassin in the world, and to do so he'll have to kill every other assassin in the top ten list.  Insane, I know, but it's not until you realise just how nonchalant Travis is about doing whatever it takes to get to the top of that list that you'll see just how true a bad-ass he is.  Whether it's lugging coconuts for a juice stand or chopping the heads off a local baseball team, Travis really doesn't give a shit.  He's got his eye on the prize (and maybe some cool T-shirts), that prize being a pile of cash and some hotties.  So while he's just at home cruising the city on his giant motorcyle, running stupid errands, or commiting mass-murder, his goals are something every man aspires to: fame, fortune, and a hot piece of ass.

 

#2 Big Boss/Solid Snake - Metal Gear Series (NES, PCX, GBC, Playstation, PS2, PSP, PS3)

Big Boss

While two different people, it didn't seem fair to let them hog two spots on the list nor to have to choose one over the other (though I personally lean a little towards Big Boss).  Both are grizzled as hell, and quite capable of killing you and about a hundred other people you know with their bare-hands, without even raising an alarm.  Tragic heroes, both (maybe semi-grudgingly) give everything they've got for what they each beleive is the greater good.  Big Boss earns serious cred in my book for his fall from grace in the US Army, and the chronicle of his rise to power as the leader of Outer Haven is some of the downright coolest, most bad-assed stuff in gaming.  Likewise, Snake's determination is legendary, especially considering his physical condition in Metal Gear Solid 4.  Not only are these two capable, lethal soldiers but have wills and wits forged of solid steel.  It helps too, that David Hayter does such a knock-out job giving a voice to them both.

 #1 Duke Nukem (DAMNED NEAR EVERYTHING)

Duke Nukem Forever Preview

Is there really any doubt?  Duke Nukem may not be the most well-rounded character in gaming, but he did it first, and he did it well.  I fondly remember playing the original Duke Nukem back when PC's were known as IBM's or IBM Compatibles, and while he may have had a weird obsession with Oprah back in 1991 and a pink tanktop he was as bad-assed as they got, a ripped up action man just as happy to shoot up alien scumbags as he was to chug beer and mack strippers.  With the hilarious success of Duke 3D it's a true shame that old Duke has had his named dragged through the mud with the debacle of Duke Nukem (Taking) Forever.  Hopefully the recent re-release of Duke Nukem 3D on Xbox Live will remind the current generation that Duke isn't some phantom of a corny old franchise with release-date issues but a cigar-chompin', beer-swillin', "I wear my sunglasses at night" kind of motherfucker that in his day had not only the hilarity and attitude of a macho man, but really solid game play too!  While it seems the day is finally coming where the sun may rise on Duke Nukem Forever, even if it never comes there will always be a seat for Duke Nukem in the hall of video game bad-asses...that seat being the king's throne.

 Honorable Mentions

Samus Aran - Metroid Series (NES, SNES, GB, GBA, NGC, WII)

Taking on an intergalactic ring of alien criminal scum is no small feat, especially when you're doing it all alone.  Add in creepy alien parasites, downright scary subterranean lairs, and weird chozo identity issues and you've got a pretty full plate of weird that people made of weaker stuff would probably back down from.  While I certainly would never dock Samus bad-ass kudos for being a girl, in fact I would probably give her even more credit for it, I just wish they did something with her personality.  We really know absolutely nothing about her other than her fondness for bikinis and '80's hair.  While she's definitely a bad-ass in her own right, she's just a little to flat character-wise to make the top ten.

 Dante - Devil May Cry Series (PS2, PS3, Xbox360)

A text-book case of just trying way too damned hard.  Seriously, just give it a rest man.  What are you compensating for with that ridiculous attitude?  Also your choice of dress is kinda questionable. It kinda sucks that, in my opinion, Dante's coolest outfit was in his worst game...Devil May Cry 2.  While I enjoy these games immensely the cut-scenes are often just plain silly...but in a good way.

 Belmont Clan and Associates - Castlevania Series (Various)

I'd love to include these guys on the list for regularly stepping up to the challenge of taking on gaming's equivalent of the devil-incarnate, but there's just so many of them, who to choose?  Richter?  Simon?  Alucard?  Probably not Just, that guy's a little too into interior decorating...At any rate while they're all certianly bad-asses in some respect none of them really rise to the top...though I'd probably lean towards Richter what with all the crap he's had to put up with from ol' Dracula.

 Link - Zelda Series (NES, SNES, GB, GBA, NGC, WII)

Another great example of a guy always rising to the challenge of laying a beat down on epic evil, it's a shame he practically never talks and has the personality of a block of wood.  Also elfin ears are kinda sissy lookin'.  I'm just sayin'...

Sonic The Hedgehog - Sonic Series (Various)

If it wasn't for the fact that his attitude sometimes bordered on annoying, and most of his recent adventures just make almost no sense when you try to fit them in with his previous exploits he may have made it on the list.  I'm not quite sure he's really "bad-ass" as much as "edgy" or whatever anyway.  Perhaps if he got his act together and improved his batting-average there could be a spot for him up there.

 Chakan the Forever Man (Genesis)

Kind of a darkhorse, not a guy I'd imagine many are familiar with.  He'd probably be in the top ten but Big Boss snuck up and choked him out.  He's got a really great backstory behind him for his titular game, it's just a shame that the game itself was so mediocre.  Check it out on gamefaqs if you get a chance, Chakan's story is brutal, the stuff of insane metal-core rock operas.

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Last Updated ( Sunday, 28 September 2008 12:46 )  

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